Recently, I haven’t been posting much on this “blog” (this thing has existed for over two years, and I’m still unsure of what to call it). There’s a fair amount of stuff here—friends, beautiful places, good memories. It’s difficult to keep an account of all the places I’ve seen, wonderful people I’ve spent time with, opportunities, readings—a whole collection of experiences. I am so fortunate to be where I am.
However, my growing discontent with the way I’ve been making things has peaked. The summit of my restlessness came into view; the avalanche unhinged from its moorings.
This “blog” feels like a chasm. What I post here is temporally bound. New content and updates quickly push the “old” back, quickly turning them into dusty unbound pages. Nothing, except the latest few posts, is regarded as relevant. I’m tired of immediacy. Sure, I like change; the flow of content on organized and intentional platforms works incredibly well. But that currentness here feeds into my lack of objective.
I imagined this “blog” would help me clarify what I see, would be an exercise in documenting and organizing life as it was happening. However, the temporal nature of each post seems to lessen my ability to creatively think. My mind clutters, my sight becomes obscured.
The heart of the problem, though, is me.
I realize I haven’t put intent in what I do. Straying towards pretty images and digital apathy—interacting with technology on a surface level. My content passes as “good” because people like a few pictures I’ve taken. Affirmation has come from outside, but not inside. Inside, nothing was there. I slipped into a pattern:
||: pretty subject, low f-stop, decent composition, decent light, click :||
I’m tired of acting carelessly. I want something that lasts. I want something that is cohesive, put together, hard; something that takes reflection, intention, and time. The constant little spurts of “new post” feel hollow. This “blog” has been the main home of what I make. But in disengaging myself, it has become an empty house for lifeless images. They have no intent. They are lazy. They are contextless. They are unconscious, almost accidental.
Creative apathy is my chasm. Digital apathy widens it. I've let this pair work together for too long. I’ve lost direction to my creations. I've misplaced the reasons for why I make.
I've felt unfulfilled. Now, I’m changing that.
Now, I’m standing up, stretching my legs, packing for the road, making a new home for what I do.
Maybe I’ll come back and visit, once I’ve settled. Maybe I’ll turn this into something new someday.
For now, my journey leads me here. It’s bare and uncertain; I’m slowly making it more inviting. But, it’s somewhere different.
Stop by for a cup of tea and a little chat sometime.
This has been a clumsy collection of thoughts by Caleb Eckert. Thank you for reading.